2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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