I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
