aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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