i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
it glows. i had to have it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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