you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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