just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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