I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dick very happy bro
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
