Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
