i just wanna soil my oats bro
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
