Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
