i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
