Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
