Already got asked if we're dating
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
