Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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