Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
