am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
what the fuck happened to the tacos
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
