I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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