I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Drunk is not a location!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
