This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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