i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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