Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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