tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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