I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
