Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
