It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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