"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
