Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
