I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
