I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
