R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
