oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
