john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
