Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
