you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
