This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize