Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
