mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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