If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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