Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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