i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
