The maid of honor just puked.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
