I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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