ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
