I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
