I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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