My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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