If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
don't judge my taste in strippers
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
