Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.

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  (330): Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/vs2k
  Replies (12) Good night (802) Bad night (3137)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

  (951): View more from California

  sound pretty economical

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  (434): Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood. (951): sound pretty economical http://tfl.nu/xtyc
  Replies (11) Good night (3106) Bad night (629)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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  (561): i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching. http://tfl.nu/cq5g
  Replies (43) Good night (1237) Bad night (5221)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.

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  (617): The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke. http://tfl.nu/s0m0
  Replies (13) Good night (2481) Bad night (1871)
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  (914): View more from New York

  yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans

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  (914): yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans http://tfl.nu/zwc8
  Replies (6) Good night (1102) Bad night (3655)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.

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  (214): I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility. http://tfl.nu/f4a3
  Replies (12) Good night (912) Bad night (2833)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog

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  (570): Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog http://tfl.nu/bwn1
  Replies (10) Good night (590) Bad night (1582)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.

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  (917): I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved. http://tfl.nu/p2yu
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (607)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.

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  (770): Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season. http://tfl.nu/r1ss
  Replies (3) Good night (802) Bad night (951)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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  (816): First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman. (540): Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together http://tfl.nu/87tf
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (428)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.

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  (803): He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple. http://tfl.nu/4atf
  Replies (2) Good night (1230) Bad night (323)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.

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  (262): It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly. http://tfl.nu/kimb
  Replies (5) Good night (289) Bad night (593)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place

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  (306): just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place http://tfl.nu/2srt
  Replies (4) Good night (562) Bad night (316)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell

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  (917): We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell http://tfl.nu/8o1d
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (435)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.

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  (678): Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila. http://tfl.nu/o7tf
  Replies (0) Good night (524) Bad night (172)

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