Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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