Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.