Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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(607): View more from New York

haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

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(714): View more from California

All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(781): View more from Massachusetts

He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.

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(818): View more from California

Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?

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(416): View more from Toronto

GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST

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(705): View more from Ontario

Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

My job here is done.

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