The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.