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I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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