my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
