Cold hands, warm shart.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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