I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize