k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
