Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
