I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize