Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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