Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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