Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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