Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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