Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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