Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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