Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
