If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
