i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
