For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
