I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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