history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
