Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
two words: eviction party
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My feet surprised me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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