He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
