5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
