I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize