I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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