he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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