do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
