Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
