I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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