If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
