just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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