she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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